In the corner of my eye I see you. You refuse to leave my peripheral so I must continue to see you there. I refuse to change my course just to remove you from my line of sight. And you refuse to be moved. How does one pass when two mountains are so close there is no pass?
In the corner of my eye I saw you. Leaving. A young girl sitting on the veranda, simply wishing her mother would not leave. But you did. Feelings of desertion took your place. You would return again later on in the year with trinkets, baubles, and honeyed words meant to cajole my love.
Your visits were akin to giving the poor 25¢ instead of giving them a job--too inadequate to solve the major issues at hand. I grew to be bull-headed, materialistic, and guarded. You grew older. I grew taller than you. You grew more depressed than I. We grew apart--not that we were ever close.
I am reminded every time I look in the mirror that you made me. I am exactly one half of you. I think highly of myself which means I should think highly of you as well. But alas, the case is that our love is one of obligation. I find there are times when all I do is worry if we will be able to speak to each other again. To laugh again. To be family--mother and 1st daughter again. I fear sometimes our battles are too violent and our peace treaties insufficient for making up. I will continue trying to find a pass. I think.
Because yesterday I blamed you. I blamed you to filth. For the broken home, for the poverty, for the instability, but most of all for the relationship that I desired but will never be... because of you. See? I blamed you. Today I am trying to work through my feelings. Tomorrow I may wake up to find myself over it. Over you. And over the mountain pass which doesn't exist.
